It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
