I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
