I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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