Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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