Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
