the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
