does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
did i just pee glitter
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize