Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
