so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
