We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I have feelings that need drinking.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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