She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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