On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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