hotel room ftw
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
