did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
