I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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