Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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