I want to have your abortion
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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