maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
