it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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