when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
