he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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