why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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