i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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