u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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