What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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