I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
