I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
