You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Welp...herpes.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
