I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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