Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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