This girl is more easily done than said...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
