I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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