Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
