2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
