I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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