I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
