MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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