I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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