This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
