I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
