i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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