she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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