Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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