I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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