My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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