Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Randomize
