His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
