I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
