Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
