My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
