Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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