giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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