used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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