..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Can I color on your dick again?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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