very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
