So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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