You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
