Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
