You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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