i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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