Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
