never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
