I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
