Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize