2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
